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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661483">what did i do?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/skduar/pseuds/skduar'>skduar</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>you didn't do anything wrong [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depressed Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Hurt No Comfort, M/M, NOT HANNOR, Panic Attacks, Poor Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, bad hank, hank is bad in this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:41:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>851</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/skduar/pseuds/skduar</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Lieutenant wasn't supposed to be like this.</p><p>He was supposed to be different.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connor &amp; Sumo (Detroit: Become Human), Hank Anderson &amp; Connor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>you didn't do anything wrong [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>what did i do?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Non-Con, Self-Harm, Panic Attacks.</p><p>If these trigger you, please don't read.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Lieutenant is an alcoholic, and Connor knows he can’t control his thoughts or emotions properly. Connor doesn’t blame him for what happened.</p><p>The bottles litter the floor, glass shards spread out on the carpet. Sumo lays curled up in the corner of the room, whining.</p><p>Connor quietly walks towards sumo, wincing at the blue blood dripping from his hand.</p><p>Connor kneels and holds out his uninjured hand, letting him nuzzle into his palm. “I know Sumo,” he croaks.</p><p>His hands are steady, brushing gently against his fur. The TV quietly plays in the background, Hanks snoring following lazily behind.</p><p>Connor pulls up his pants a little more, rolls up his socks so they cover all of the bottom of his legs, and winces as he sits down. He pulls his hand away from Sumo and pulls up his large hood, bundles up his hands in his large hoodie sleeves, and he takes in a shuddering breath.</p><p>The clock on the wall ticks quietly, but his blood roars in his ears.</p><p>Sumo whines, the clock strikes midnight, and he lays his head on Sumo’s back.</p><p>He doesn’t want this. His hands curl into fists, nails biting into his palms.</p><p>What did he do? Why did the Lieutenant do it?</p><p>The sting of his cuts and bruises hurt, but not nearly as much as the ache in his chest.</p><p>It hurts so bad, it’s like a black hole is sucking out everything inside of him, leaving him numb but in so much <em> pain. </em></p><p>He can still feel his hands. He can still hear his grunts.</p><p>He feels the slaps, the punching. The yelling bounces around in his head.</p><p>His breathing stutters, and his nails draw blood.</p><p>Sumo rubs his head against Connor’s neck, and Connor shakes.</p><p>He can’t breathe, it’s too heavy. He’s so bad at this, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what he did, but he’s so sorry.</p><p>He didn’t want it, he didn’t want it, he didn’t want it.</p><p>He doesn’t want to feel the sting on his cheek from the hit anymore, he doesn’t want to feel the hands rubbing against his sides. He doesn’t want to feel exposed even if he was under 20 blankets.</p><p>He’s tired of feeling <em> terrified </em> all the time.</p><p>He thought he would be free of his rulers, but now he’s just serving under another.</p><p>The feeling of betrayal is overwhelming. He was supposed to trust the Lieutenant, he wasn’t supposed to hurt him. He was supposed to be different.</p><p>Connor coughs out heaving breaths, his skin clammy, and he crushes his nails into his palms. The pain, like so many other cuts, stings. It hurts, and it aches but it feels so much better than whatever is eating his chest.</p><p>Blue stains his sleeves, but it’s grounding. The chaos in his head hasn’t left, the panic of his vision hasn’t dispersed, but it makes him have something to focus on.</p><p>“I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it. I could have stopped it.” He whispers it over and over, because it’s <em> true. </em> He could have stopped what was happening at any time. He was in control. He has the strength, he could overpower Hank. He’s fought an army with his fists, he could handle the Lieutenant.</p><p>
  <em>So did I want it?</em>
</p><p>He knows he didn't, but if he had the strength to stop it why didn't he? Since he didn't stop it, he must have wanted it. So then why is he crying over it? He was practically asking for it. He's too tired to focus on these thoughts though, and he just shakes under the pressure of the betrayal.</p><p>The ticking of the clock reaches his ears, and he hadn’t realized that he hadn’t been hearing a thing but the blood roaring in his head.</p><p>His eyes ache, and he feels Sumo breathing under him. Connor’s breath is still doing flips, and his head feels foggy. His chest feels empty.</p><p>He slowly brings his hand to pet Sumo’s head, and Connor doesn’t make a sound.</p><p>Connor’s eyes stare deep into Sumo’s brown fur, and he takes in a deep breath. His breath stutters, but his chest isn’t burning anymore, and his heart isn’t screaming.</p><p>He doesn’t feel anything, he realizes. He’s blissfully numb.</p><p>The storm in his head quieted down to strong rain, and as the clock strikes 1 am he hugs Sumo with weak arms. He's tired, but he isn’t sleeping tonight.</p><p>Come morning, when the sun rays flitter through the windows and it’s 7 in the morning, Connor wakes up the Lieutenant.</p><p>He gets the Lieutenant tylenol, a glass of water, and sets toast and eggs on the table.</p><p>The uncomfortable feeling of nausea curls in his gut, and he breathes deeply through his nose. </p><p>The Lieutenant walks in, grumbling about his hangover and how he feels sticky and that he needs a shower. He thanks Connor for breakfast, and he picks up his fork.</p><p>Connor feels his eyes burn when he realizes that the Lieutenant doesn’t even remember.</p>
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